One Long Ass Day

Today has been one long ass day. It started off rather amusing. I dragged my ass out of bed bright & early to hit the gym. I'm chuggin away on the eliptical when a midget comes in. Yes, you read that right a midget. She hops onto a treadmill but cannot see the buttons to turn it on and just presses buttons blindly and ta-da she's walking away. Now that Kmac goes to the gym in Hudson I have no one to share this sight with and because I'm so politically incorrect this makes me want to point and laugh which I know is wrong but midgets = funny.

I have been exiled to work out of the Tyngsborough office for a month to see if walk in traffic/rentals increase. Kind of like Martin Spurlock Super sizing it for 30-days. I prefer to work out of the EML office because it's only 2 miles from my house and I can bop home to do my boring domestic chores (laundry) at lunch. So anyway...I'm in Tyngsborough totally bored. Nothing ever happens up there until today. My first visitor was an old women who looked a farside cartoon character, she had bright orange lipstick and cat glasses. Her order of business was to pick up a new key because she cannot open her apartment door anymore with her current key. I give her the new key and she wants to give me back the old worn out one so it doesn't confuse her. Okay....I take the key and decide to hang onto it for a few days because I'm sure there will be some sort of key situation in my future. Well off she waddles new key in hand and ready to unlock her door. My phone rings....it's the old lady. The conversation goes something like this: Hi Cheryl? Is that you? (Duh, I'm the only person in the freaking office) Yes, Kathleen it's me....Cheryl How did you know it was me? Caller ID is a wonderful tool that tells me who is calling and I'm thinking I should've let this go to VM. What's caller ID? Should not have brought up this little piece of technology...Damn! Moving right along I ask Kathleen what can I do for you? Oh, um I need my new key. Yes ,you just picked it up at the office, remember? Oh, yes...thank you. The phone rings again...why it's Kathleen again. Hi Cheryl is that you? (still the only one here) I am tempted to say no you have the wrong # but that may generate bad karma. I tell her yes it's me. Well, Cheryl I seem to have lost my new key did I leave it in the office? No, you put it on your key ring. I ask did you use the key to get into your apartment to call me? Yes, but I'm pretty sure I left it in your office. I want to poke my eyes out with a stick.

It's all rainy and boring and since I'm trying not to be a fatty boombalatty and going to the gym before work I am in need of a nap by 11:00 a.m. My employer does not participate in the naptime/siesta program so I must stay awake. The buzzer rings and I have a visitor. I ask the lady if I can help her and she says I want a prize. WTF...I am the receiver of prizes not her. I ask if she is looking for an apartment, she says no but thought if she "stopped by" and she used hand quotes (douchefucker) that I would receive a prize. Your prize is to exit my space immediately and stop being stupid. So much for this 30-day lets put someone in the Tyngsborough office to see if walk-in traffic increases. If morons like this are going to be stopping in I'm thinking a bow & arrow or a tazer would be good.


Jodi has scheduled a showing in Tyngsborough for one of her people and I am excited for her to come and visit. Yay...someone to talk to, someone normal who does not wear orange lipstick. Although if I had a prize I would offer it up to Jodi and I'm sure she would love it. I offered her some Doritos I found in the cabinets. The origin of said Doritos is questionable. We decide this would be a bad prize. While I'm having my pleasant visit with Jo-day one of my Lakeview Avenue crazies calls to complain that her power has been shut off and what am I going to do about it. I ask her is she current on her National Grid bill? Well, she made a partial payment today so she shouldn't be shut off (her words not mine). This raving bitch annoys me so much I tell her I will call Ntl Grid for her. I wait through the stupid automated man telling me to press 2 for English and all his bullshit. Did you know if you mock him he will become confused and then say I will get a customer service representative, which is what I wanted all along anyway. Finally a live worker bee from National Grid. I explain my crazy bitch tenants dilemma after giving the tenants name and address I am told since I am not the account holder they cannot give me any information but yes they did shut her off. Due to my keen detective skills non/partial payment and shut off I deduct she has been shut off for non-payment. I relay my finders to cunty bitch who proceeds to yell at me about what am I going to do for her. I tell her I will send maintenance to flip her breaker so that when Ntl Grid turns her back on she will be ready. Well, this is not good enough she bitches about how Ntl Grid should not share her personal account info with me (Ugh....typical Lakeview resident dumb as a post) I repeat how I am going to help her and because she is douchey and swearing at me I tell her in my sweetest girlie voice if you are going to use vulgar language I cannot assit you. Would you like me to help you... she shouts Fuck Yar and hangs up. Jo-day and I chuckle...stupid bitch. Well, doesn't cunty call my boss to say I am unhelpful. Now I have to explain the whole thing over again, of course he takes my side. I will so tow that bitches car the first chance I get. Well, Jo-day's appointment no shows so our fun little chat fest is over. Now it after 4:30 and I must scurry to the spa for my second job. I lock up the office only to be accosted by 2 idiots looking to meet Jodi. Dude your over an hour late for your appointment. In my world that is rude not to call so I decide I cannot help these fuckers they can call Jodi and reschedule. I am on salary and do not get paid for the extra time I put in and I now have 15 minutes to get to my other job where I will get paid for my time.

Yay, massage job. Even though it's work it's quiet and my clients are not chatty. Good thing because this is my quiet time too. Bonus they are both good tippers. :)

Finally I am home. Greeted by the roomies and a sink full of dirty dishes, it seems a teenage garbage tornando has blown through my livingroom. This displeases me. I must go to bed now and make this day end.